If you think it’s time to let go, then just let go. There’s no point in looking back to what you have already lost.
This is not ok.
Tears are streaming down my face. Oh god.
Well fuck you too
THIS STILL HURTS
You know me. I know you. We’ve known each other since high school. I know you hesitated. I could feel your hesitation. I could feel how scared you were. And then you backed out. I know that the person you’re seeing right now is not your type at all. You’re so incompatible with each other, it’s painfully obviously. And I’m not saying that because I still have the deepest feelings for you. It’s plain as day. You are driven, independent, and aggressive but soft. What are you doing? This isn’t you. You’re just like me. Our differences have always made us similar, and our similarities have always made us different.
I thought I was okay. But you’ve left this void that just can’t be filled. I keep trying, but I fail. But I can’t stand being alone all the time. It’s terrible, I know. What’s happening to me? I honestly don’t remember the last time I’ve felt happy. The last time I did was with you. And I know you shouldn’t rely on people for happiness, but I’m missing that component in my life. My grades are stellar, my family is coming together and I have fantastic friends. But I have this emptiness inside of me. It’s like this black hole that sucks everything else away. It’s funny because when I first met you, I thought oh whatever he’s not anyone I’ll ever meet and he’s not anyone I’d really care for. I have my own friends right here. What would I ever do in LA anyway? I don’t belong there. Who would have ever thought that you would be the one to truly screw me up? I feel so stupid for saying this, but I can see us together for good. My mom asked me if I’d ever get married and who I would get married to. What would he be like? What kind of person do I have in mind? I couldn’t get you out of my head. My mind keeps drifting off to thoughts of “what if.” What would happen when we finally come face to face? Would I still have feelings for you? I tell everyone that I won’t wait around for a guy, but there’s this tiny part of me that feels like there has to be a part of you that can’t let me go either no matter who you find. I don’t believe that I can feel this strongly for someone and that someone doesn’t possibly reciprocate a feeling like that back. I know that you’ll meet thousands of people in your life, but I feel that the best fit for me will always be you- and you, me. . We’ve known each other ever since we were 13, 14. You have heard me cry over ex boyfriends and you have been there for me. You know me and you know what I’m like. The years we have known each other mean something and you know it.
I was supposed to be in LA this month. But things are different now and I understand that it’s probably for the best. I can’t talk to you because I still can’t bear to. But I miss your company and I miss your voice. I miss telling you about my day and getting pissy at silly things and then making it up later. You have always taken me for what I am and you knew every part of my person. I miss you taking pictures of your work and showing me your written paragraphs so that I can look it over. I miss whatever we had.
Don’t tell me that I don’t mean anything to you anymore. Don’t tell me that you don’t have any feelings left for me. Don’t tell me that you don’t think we’d be wonderful together. I don’t believe that. We have always accepted and supported each other to the fullest. I don’t believe that our paths won’t ever cross again. I am so sure of it. And trust me, I know how ridiculous that sounds.
If you didn’t feel as strongly as I did for you, why else would we have talked about a future together? How many people have you done that with? How many people have I done that with? You don’t talk about that stuff unless you can see yourself being with that person even several years later. You know I would have planned parts of my life around you. You know I would have sacrificed meaningful things in my life for you so we could have built a life together. God, what am I even saying. You see how stupid this all sounds when you’re just 21? But we are both reasonable enough to not dream of silly unattainable things when they’re not within reach. So how can you tell me that it’s all for nothing?
But at the same time, I know it’s okay that we’re not together because I know right now is not the right time. We’re too much for each other. We wouldn’t ever achieve our dreams because we wouldn’t be able to stand being apart. We need to work on ourselves a little more until we reach that. I still believe that at the end of the day, we’re perfect for each other. It’s right, but just not right now.
"You’re what I want. Our life together is what I want."